Unworthy, Unbearable, and Unwilling

My Joke Turned Real

　　Now that graduation is approaching, I have nothing but gratitude in my heart.

　　My name is Guangpu Yue, and I come from Zhengzhou, Henan province. When I was born, my father wanted me to be God’s servant when I grew up. He was inspired by 1 John 1:5, which says “God is light,” and named me Guangpu which means “servant of light.” In this sense, “Guangpu” actually means “God’s servant.” When I was about 7 or 8 years old, to please my parents, I once told them, “When I graduate from high school, I won’t go to university, but I will read all of my daddy’s theological books at home. Then I will go to seminary.” I was just kidding at that time, but unexpectedly my joke came true, and I went to seminary indeed. Moreover, I even had the opportunity to further my study in theology.

The Grace of God’s Molding

　　Here I would like to share with you three words to describe the feelings in my heart right now.

　　The first word is “unworthy”—I find myself unworthy of God’s grace. Since I was young, my teachers have recognized me as a very prideful person; but in recent years, I have been learning the lesson of humility before God. Before I came to Hong Kong to study, I had no idea what I was supposed to learn; but after I came here, I realized how little I had learned. It was then that I understood Paul’s saying that he was like “one untimely born” (1 Cor 15:8). Thanks be to God that “by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain” (1 Cor 15:10).

The Heart of a Pastor

　　The second word is “unbearable”—I find it unbearable to see the needs of the flock unsatisfied. My father was a pastor in the church and used to preach long sermons, so I disliked listening to him. Once I complained to my mother about my father’s long sermons, and she said, “Your father is always worried that the congregation does not have enough of God’s word, and he always wants to feed them a bit more, lest they go hungry.” About ten years ago, I watched a movie called 1942, which is about the famine in Henan province in 1942. The first line of the narration in the movie says, “From the winter of 1942 to the spring of 1944, my hometown, Henan, had a problem with food because of drought.” As I began to serve in the church, I came to understand my father’s heart, and I too find it unbearable to see the needs of the flock unsatisfied and want to feed them better and more. Having gone through such an experience, I am now eager to share what I have learned with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

The Will to Serve

　　The third word is “unwilling”—I am unwilling to fail in my mission. As Christians, we each have our own missions. Now that I am about to graduate, I have certainly embraced a new mission. A degree in theology is not a halo—nor is it an honor—but a responsibility. Therefore, I have to set a good example, be strict with myself, keep on learning, serve humbly, and live up to my mission!

　　In “The Sea,” a Chinese poem by Cao Cao, it says, “How happy I feel at this sight! I croon this poem in delight.” I would also like to use the lyrics of the hymn “Glorify God and Benefit Others” to express my aspiration: “If I am honored by others, it is all up to my Lord. Now I move on with all my heart, to glorify God and to benefit others.”

　　Finally, I would like to thank the President and the faculty for their kind understanding and help during the course of my studies, which enabled me to complete it. I would also like to thank my academic advisor, Dr. Andres Tang. I will always remember his guidance for me, as well as his scholarly attitude and manner. I would like to thank my wife, parents, and children for the countless times they have been my strength and support when it was difficult for me to carry on. I thank my brothers and sisters in Christ for their loving care and prayers. Thank God for His guidance along the way.

　　To God be the glory!