A Further Discussion on Christian Life and Death Education
How would one feel when facing death? Before “saying goodbye,” what would be our last words, thoughts, and hopes? Before we “say goodbye,” what preparations should we make?
Ever since the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary (HKBTS) started to promote Christian life and death education last year, we have received a lot of positive feedback. Therefore, the seminary’s Lay Theological Education Department (LTED) along with a local church held the second Christian Life and Death Education Symposium entitled “Before the Day We Say Goodbye … .” The symposium focused on the feelings and the needs of those who are facing death and how to help them say farewell to their families. Building on this, the LTED will also launch a new “Postgraduate Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program in October, which will provide relevant postgraduate training for believers.
In the following, we will summarize the content and the highlights of the symposium. After that, Mr. Carter Pang, LTED Director, will share the premise for the creation of this symposium, and his personal reflections, and highlight the unique content and features of the new program. Furthermore, students now engaged in the current HKBTS certificate program in life and death education will also share their reflections on the program.
Before the Day We Say Goodbye …
This symposium, organized by the LTED and co-organized by the Ngau Tau Kok Baptist Church (NTKBC), was held on May 5 onsite at the NTKBC and accompanied by a live broadcast from the Applied Theological Education Centre in Bute Street. It was well-attended with approximately 400 participants altogether. The symposium began with lecture sessions where three speakers shared their personal experiences and insights. This was followed by a panel discussion facilitated by the guest host, which allowed the three speakers to interact with the audience, who showed avid interest. In this three-hour event, the audience was delighted and fascinated by the sincerity of the speakers and the intriguing content of the lectures.
Learning about Life and Death through Illness
The first session was delivered by Mr. Sanson Lau, who is a HKBTS lecturer and a committee member of the LTED “Christian Arts and Spirituality Practices Certificate” program. Mr. Lau shared his own experience of illness and the insights he gained from such experience as well as from the books he read to prepare himself.
Recognizing a Change in One’s Sense of Time and the Awakening of One’s Soul
Mr. Lau recounted his experience of illness three years ago. He was hospitalized due to acute pancreatitis and was in critical condition at one point. When his condition stabilized, he remained in the hospital for a long recovery period. Unfortunately, as soon as his health began to improve, he was diagnosed with cancer and needed to undergo surgery and chemotherapy. In the midst of chemotherapy, he prepared a testimony to share at the Spiritual Revival Conference by the Baptist Convention of Hong Kong. He reviewed the script of that testimony as he prepared for this symposium, and he found that the date was incorrect. Suddenly, he realized that his sense of time had become less exact at that time. This made him see the truth that time is not in our control. We all know it intellectually, but how we actually live is another matter. Moreover, he came to a profound understanding that God’s perception of time is entirely different from ours, and therefore, the will and the way of God are beyond our imagination. While others liken his experience of illness to “the valley of the shadow of death,” he views it as “green pastures” and “quiet waters” because it led to an awakening of his soul.
Lonely People Are Not Alone
Mr. Lau loves reading. He recommended four books to the audience and shared some insights from each. The first book was On Consolation: Finding Solace in Dark Times by Michael Ignatieff. The author examines important writings on humanities and cultures from different civilizations, and by doing so, reexamines the meaning of life in the Psalter and the relationship of humans with the Creator and all other life. He realized that this means that people need to help one another. The author found that each of those authors was facing different pains and sorrows, and one would have a sense of loneliness in such dark hours. But, in fact, lonely people are not alone because there are many others like them. When they gather as companions for one another, they can find relief from loneliness and light in the darkness. Mr. Lau had such an experience during his stay in the hospital when he and other patients offered care and support to one another.
In the Flow of Time
The second book was The Long View: Why We Need to Transform How the World Sees Time by Richard Fisher. This book helps us to be more rational in life-and-death situations. The author mentions that some situations would make one feel lost in the flow of time, while some would make one feel very present. Most people experience being lost or feeling found in the flow of time at some point in their lives. As for Mr. Lau, losing his sense of time reflected his sense of being lost, and his preparation for this symposium helped him to recognize this. Furthermore, he challenged us, in a time of helplessness (when facing life-and-death situations, for example) to break the issue into smaller parts and seek a path forward.
A New Perception of Life and Death
The other two books Mr. Lau recommended were Basin and Range by John McPhee and As Intermitências da Morte by José Saramago. The former talks about time from the perspective of life and death, illustrating the insignificance of humanity. The latter tells a story about conquering death by one’s death, reminiscent of the image of Jesus Christ. Mr. Lau hoped that the audience, through these readings, would revisit their own worldviews and gain insight into life and death.
Are You Ready for Saying Goodbye?
The next session was given by Rev. Wai-chuen Lo, Supervisor on Professional Development and CPE of the Association of Hong Kong Hospital Christian Chaplaincy Ministry. By sharing his personal experience and two short video clips, he illustrated to us that we have no control on the day of our death. Therefore, we need to get ourselves prepared to “say goodbye.”
Do You Know When?
Rev. Lo started by sharing his own experience. He was first diagnosed with a chronic illness at the age of 14. Later, he discovered that he has to live with it his whole life along with an increased risk of getting cancer, which according to his medical report and statistics, is 800 times higher than average. At that time, he felt that “the day [of his death]” would certainly come. But when? It is not for us to see! For this reason, we need to prepare to “say goodbye.”
Living Human Documents and Chapters of Life
In fact, it is not an easy thing to prepare for “saying goodbye.” Rev. Lo urged us to read the “living human documents” laid before us, i.e. people’s life stories, and share our chapters with one another: What does he/she want to say to me? What do I want to say to him/her? Is there anything he/she wants to settle? Does he/she have any regrets? Is there any chance to make it up? The passing away of some close relatives during the COVID-19 pandemic made Rev. Lo think about these questions. The short clip he shared with us showed that there are critically ill patients every day in the hospital who have many regrets and things to be settled, and some may not have a chance to right wrongs. In light of this, while we are still alive, how should we choose to live?
When to Say Goodbye?
The most frequently asked questions in the practice of “saying goodbye” are when and what to say. Rev. Lo pointed out one important thing: When there is reason to believe that “the time [of one’s death]” is near, we need to say it; otherwise, we may miss the opportunity. The best time to “say goodbye” is when he/she is still able to understand and communicate. The second short clip Rev. Lo showed us illustrated what “a good goodbye” is intended to do: let the departed rest in hope and peace and let the living recover from sorrow and resume a normal life.
How to Say Goodbye?
How should we prepare to “say goodbye” before “that day” comes? Rev. Lo points out that theological education plays an important role which enables us to talk about life and death according to the Christian principles. We can choose our own perspective on life changes. When life seems to recede from brightness into darkness, from brilliance into decay and rottenness, our faith promises us a glorious future. He also pointed out that one of the believers’ struggles is to accept the fact or the way that their beloved one(s) passes away. Nevertheless, we know that death is not the end. Though we will pass from life to death, we will also pass from death to life. This salvation has been prepared for us; the only question is how we will respond to it. In addition, Rev. Lo reminded us that dying (linzhong) does not necessarily mean dying in a good old age (shouzhong), and dying in a good old age does not necessarily means dying well (shanzhong), i.e. dying peacefully with hope. The general principle of pastoral care for the dying is reconciliation: making peace with oneself, with others, and with God.
Finally, Rev. Lo encouraged us to cherish the days of our lives on Earth and keep reflecting on what God wants us to do with our lives. Let us make each day count and fulfill the mission God has given us. “It is difficult for us to predict one’s death. But it is never too late to cherish each day while we are still living.”
Five Important Messages of Life When Facing Life and Death
The third session was given by Ms. Man-yee Chan, a bereavement counselor and a life and death education instructor. She recollected the days when her husband became ill and died, and she began to understand the mental state of a terminally ill person. Hence, she deeply recognizes the importance of the end of life. Regrets may arise if it is not well-handled. That is the reason why she decided to pursue in-depth learning and devote herself to life and death education.
Coping with the Emotional Distress of the Terminally Ill
Ms. Chan points out the complexity of the emotional distress a terminally ill person experiences: a feeling of helplessness while waiting for death, a sense of unease about death, an unfulfilled desire for recovery and vitality, worry about health conditions, fear of pain and suffering, and anxiety over uncertainties. Past regrets, anticipation of future regrets, and one’s view on the meaning of life and death, all affect the degree of one’s anxiety. She recalled her husband’s experience in his illness. He suffered through these difficulties, feeling like being sentenced to death and experiencing anxiety and helplessness. Ms. Chan once said to him words that she regretted: “Why are you afraid of death? Don’t you know where you will go after you die?” She reminded us, as family members, we should be more understanding and accepting.
To Fulfill the Five Spiritual Needs
Ms. Chan stated that we have no control over life and death, but we can determine our outlook and approach to death. Our anxiety over death can be reduced if our five spiritual needs are fulfilled: meaning and purpose of life, self-image, love and sense of belonging, forgiveness, and hope. Having taken reference from the “Four Sayings of Life” (sidao rensheng), she put forward the “Five Sayings of Life” (wudao rensheng) which can help fulfill our five spiritual needs: “Thank you,” “I love you,” “Please forgive me,” “I forgive you,” and “Goodbye.”
Saying “Thank you” (daoxie) is to express gratitude for the blessings one receives from others in a specific way, as an appreciation and affirmation of their lives.
Saying “I love you” (daoai) is to express one’s affection for others. It can be done in the five “love languages”: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Ms. Chan emphasized especially “quality time” by being fully present and using physical touch, which offers support and relief to the patients very effectively.
Saying “Please forgive me” (daoqian) is to willingly accept one’s responsibilities, which will also set one free. A “fobbing-off” apology should be avoided. Instead, a sincere apology should be made in a clear and specific way, accompanied by appropriate action.
Saying “I forgive you” (daoliang) is to pardon the weaknesses of others, to understand the hurts the offenders themselves have suffered during their growth, and to admit our own imperfection. Ms. Chan also pointed out that we must forgive the person, not their misbehavior. Imagining the faces of the offenders in their infancy may make it easier for us to forgive them. Furthermore, she encouraged us to forgive those who have offended us without waiting for their confession or repentance.
Saying “Goodbye” (daobie) is to commit to maintaining our connection with the dying person and anticipating a reunion in heaven. We may stay connected with the deceased through rituals, places, photos, objects, activities, and so on. We can also establish a lasting connection with them by living out their values and dreams and extending their influence on our lives.
Finally, she strongly suggests that the “Five Sayings of Life” is not an end-of-life issue but our attitude toward life.
How to Talk about Life and Death and How to Apply the Five Sayings of Life
After the lecture sessions, a panel discussion hosted by Mr. Arnold Leung, Director of Hong Kong Life and Death Studies Association and a committee member of our LTED “Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program, provided the opportunity for interactions between the speakers and the participants. A question was raised on how to start conversations with parents on the topic of life and death. The host and the speakers shared their own experiences and encouraged us to become well-prepared, identify the difficulties, and search for solutions. An appropriate occasion and suitable timing help enter into such a discussion naturally. When necessary, we can seek help from hospital chaplains, pastors, and those who have received the relevant professional training, such as social workers and medical staff. Another participant, who is a medical staff, asked how to apply the “Five Sayings of Life” to help others in a hospital setting. Rev. Lo urged us to prepare ourselves by practicing repeatedly and reminded us that it is essential to show care and sincerity to patients and their families. For patients and their families to put the “Five Sayings of Life” into practice, it is necessary to create for them a space of privacy. Ask chaplains for assistance if needed. Most participants were satisfied with the arrangement of this symposium, considering its content relevant to the theme and the sharing of the speakers helpful and inspiring. They desired and anticipated more similar symposiums in the future.
From a Touched Heart to a Pursuit for More
After the symposium, we invited Mr. Carter Pang, the LTED Director of HKBTS, to share the reason for the creation of this life and death education symposium, to share his thoughts during the preparation, and to introduce the newly launched “Postgraduate Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program.
Exploration from Macro-Perspective to Micro-Perspective
The LTED held the first life and death education symposium in May of last year. The participants responded with enthusiasm. Many of them showed strong interest in the discussion of life and death from a Christian perspective and wished to see more of this kind of symposium in the future. In response to the need of the vast believer community, we held the second symposium in May this year, and we will set up a new “Postgraduate Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program in October, in addition to the existing non-degree program of “Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective.” We hope that the symposium will create a greater understanding of life and death in the community, and motivate more people to receive Christian life and death education.
Broadly speaking, the symposium last year talked about the experiences of promoting life and death education on individual, ecclesiastical, and social levels from a macro-perspective. In contrast, the symposium this year focused more on micro-perspective and immediate concerns. Through the sharing of the three speakers and their interactions with the participants, we tried to provide, on a more personal level, a Christian investigation on how to make comprehensive preparations in the physical, mental, spiritual, and social aspects and prepare for the day we leave this world and “say goodbye.”
Eager to Understand Life and Death
While the two symposiums are different in content, one feature remains the same: we intend to provide the participants not only the sharing from the speakers but also the opportunity for interaction with the speakers. Learning from last year when there was inadequate time for interactions, we extended the symposium time from two and a half hours to three hours this year. In fact, we considered such a change risky at first, with the concern of the time being too long for the participants. Later, we found such worry unnecessary. The feedback received after the symposium showed that most of the participants considered such an arrangement appropriate and some were even eager for more!
I was deeply moved by the passion of the participants in the symposium this year. Due to the overwhelming response to registration for the symposium, all reservations at the Ngau Tau Kok Baptist Church were full one month before the event. We decided therefore to set up a live broadcast location at the Applied Theological Education Centre in Bute Street. What touched us was that among the participants were, besides local believers, people from Shenzhen and Macau. Some of them were not able to attend the symposium onsite due to late registration, but they were still willing to come from afar to the live broadcast location in Bute Street. There was a participant who had just experienced the loss of a family member at that time. Upon seeing the poster of this symposium, he registered for it together with more than ten members of his family. And we were so thankful to see that there was a pastor of a church who took the lead to promote the symposium to his church members and to participate himself together with several of them.
We dearly hope that this symposium was able to satisfy the needs of the participants, to provide them with knowledge on the matter of life and death, and to motivate them to receive training on life and death education in order to get themselves well equipped for their journey “from life to death, seeing life from death, and passing from death to life.”
Learning about Christian Life and Death Education
The LTED started the “Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program last year in order to equip secondary school graduates with systematic and holistic basic training on life and death education that is in line with the Christian faith. During the year, we offered ministry courses such as “Orientation to Life and Death Education,” “Perspectives on Life and Death Issues,” “Understanding the True Face of Grief,” and a “Field Trip on Life and Death Education Ministry” to help our students achieve these goals. Below we have invited six of our students in the certificate program to share their thoughts on their studies in this program. This LTED program is now open for registration for the new school year.
As mentioned above, the certificate program is designed for secondary school graduates and provides basic training. In respect of program planning, there is still room for advancement. We hope to offer further learning opportunities for suitable believers who are motivated to receive in-depth equipment. As a result, the new “Postgraduate Certificate in Life and Death Education from a Christian Perspective” program is to be launched this October. In general, the postgraduate certificate program aims to provide reflective, integrative, and practical postgraduate training for believers who desire to explore and entrench the meaning of life from a Christian perspective. That is to say, this program is of a higher level than the certificate program in terms of lecture hours, the depth of the study, and the admission requirements.
On the one hand, the postgraduate certificate program differs from the certificate program in the way that the former is a graduate-level program adopting an academic credit system. The certificate program requires participants to finish 18 lecture hours for each course, whereas the postgraduate certificate program requires 30 lecture hours for a 2-credit course and 42 lecture hours for a 3-credit course. More lecture hours mean more opportunities for participants to study, explore, and investigate subjects related to Christian life and death education. For example, courses like “Pastoral Thanatology,” “Theories of Grief Counselling,” “Funeral Design and Pastoral Theology,” “Ethics on Life and Death,” and “Life and Death Psychology” are going to be included in the postgraduate certificate program to ensure that participants have adequate time for in-depth learning. Since the nature of the postgraduate certificate program is advanced study and research, it is designed for believers who hold bachelor’s degrees, while the certificate program is for anyone who graduated from secondary school.
On the other hand, despite all the differences, the two programs have something in common: both feature quality instructors. The instructors for the LTED’s Christian Life and Death Education programs consist of HKBTS lecturers who have expertise in related areas, as well as an array of guest instructors with rich knowledge and practical experiences, whom we are grateful to learn from. Those who served last year or will serve as guest instructors include (in no particular order): Mr. Arnold Leung, Director of Hong Kong Life and Death Studies Association; Mr. Pasu Ng, the founder of social enterprise Keep It Simple; Mr. Kwok-man Lam, a lawyer; Rev. William Lam, former Chief Chaplain of Pamala Youde Nethersole Eastern Hospital; Ms. Carina Lee, Lecturer of Department of Social Work, CUHK; Rev. Kinia Ng, Ph.D. (HKBU); Chaplain Sun-nam Tong, CPE Training Supervisor (Advisor), Alice Ho Miu Ling Nethersole Hospital; Ms. Ivy Wan, Adjunct Professor of HKBTS; Mrs. Christina Cheng Peistrup, former Chaplain-in-Chief, Chaplaincy Offices of Shatin District Hospitals; Mrs. Ka-yee Lo Leung, Pastor of the Kowloon City Baptist Church, etc. We convey our cordial gratitude to them hereby.
Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to invite every believer who is interested in Christian life and death education to join the HKTBS family and receive training. For inquiries on the LTED Christian Life and Death Education programs, please call 2711 2552, or contact us by email at ltedinfo@hkbts.edu.hk.
