The Destruction and Rebuilding of Life

Karen Cheng and her husband Andy

　　I remember a pastor reminding me when I started studying theology at the seminary: as a theological student, the greatest difficulty does not lie in the need to handle the assignments but to undergo the process of having his/her life destroyed and rebuilt by God. At that time, I did understand and agree to what she said in principle, but lacked the understanding of what that actually meant. It was not until I was hit by various blows that I deeply realized how true her saying was.

Destroying the Old Self

　　Having been a Christian for years, I might well be counted as a submissive believer always willing to serve God. I would accept any invitation for any post at church and serve whenever a need arose. When I was still working as a teacher, I worked equally hard. Back then, I was responsible for the cooperation between the church and the school. I worked with the church to develop evangelical ministries at school. On my own initiative, I looked for every opportunity to let my students and colleagues understand my faith, through various kinds of activities. On the surface, everything seemed perfect, but time and again, I felt that I was just devoting myself to ministries of all sorts non-stop; deep inside, however, I found something missing – a spark that did have an impact on lives. Both my faith and my life seemed to be ebbing away. I had a strong urge to pursue God and a desire to experience Him more.

　　Then when I started my studies at Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary (HKBTS), the books I buried myself in for doing assignments and the sharing and insights given by the teachers in class prompted me to re-examine my life and my journey of faith, and helped me to discover my own weaknesses. When I served at school in the past, I did not truly rely on God. I was just relying on my own abilities and what I was striving for was only a breakthrough – wishing that every ministry I took part in could be completed without flaws. Worse still, I kept challenging myself to do even better every time I served. As for faith, I just spent time listening to sermons, without seriously thinking from theological perspectives. Proud and inwardly poor as I was, I was called by God to enter HKBTS to equip myself in theology. I strongly experienced His mercy and grace while feeling ashamed of owing God so much.

Molding the New Self

　　While destroying my old self, God re-shaped my life through the learning and experiences in these few years. During these four years of studying theology, my family and the brothers and sisters in Christ around me have gone through a range of difficulties. Listening to them and walking with them through the valleys of their lives, I came to realize that sufferings, big or small, are inevitable in one’s life: sometimes, they come because of our own weaknesses; sometimes they are due to external factors which are well beyond our control. If faith could not be connected to life, then to Christians who are suffering, it would become a mere religion unable to support life. Nevertheless, the Lord we believe in is faithful, merciful and gracious, and loves us right to the end. He is not a god who ignores our sufferings; our faith is not a religion with empty promises, nor one which becomes powerless and indifferent when people experience suffering in their lives.

　　All such experiences reminded me strongly of the importance of shepherding – a pastor has to walk with believers, see the needs in their lives and guide them in reflecting upon faith; when they suffer, apart from listening to them and being there with them, a pastor has to take them to God, so they may experience the mighty power and faithfulness of our Lord as well as His healing, instead of trying to solve the problems for them relying merely on human wisdom. This was where I had to learn and receive training.

　　The four years of theological studies have vanished in an instant amidst the piles of assignments. Boring as the days seemed, I have had lots of profound experiences in that time. Not only has my education broadened my vision and opened up my mind, but it has also allowed me to see my own inadequacies and weaknesses. Everything God allowed me to experience, everyone and everything I came across each day and all the little grace that looked trivial yet meaningful indeed have worked together to shape my life and enabled me to rethink my faith in preparation for my ministry today. May God use me and continue to mold my life so that I will become a vessel that seems appropriate to Him!